Dealing with Issues - Youth

Overview

If you are a young person who wants to learn more about whether alcohol or other drugs are causing problems; or if you are worried about how to deal with certain situations, click on the following.

Signs alcohol or other drugs are causing problems for you
How to say no and keep your friends
How to help someone you are worried about
Youth affected by someone else’s problem
Learn more about gambling

Additional Resources:
drinkingfacts.ca

Many people use alcohol or some other drug. They may use because they feel it helps them to feel more confidant, relaxed, happy or to have fun. Some people may say that they don’t worry about their problems as much when they are high but alcohol and other drug use can also create more problems for people.

The following is a sample story of someone’s use of alcohol and how it leads to problems for them.

Trevor’s Story

Irregular Use
“Always ready for fun” is how Trevor’s friends used to describe him.  At 14, Trevor was someone whose life seemed pretty well together.  A good student, well-liked, and talented basketball player, Trevor had big dreams about his future.  While school wasn’t easy for Trevor he worked hard, and planned to go to college someday.  His parents were both proud of him and his little brother, Andy, tried to be with Trevor whenever he could.

Trevor and his best friend were inseparable.  They had basketball practice everyday after school and worked together at a pizza place on Saturdays.  Both of them were saving money for college.  They were starting to drink.

The drinking started at Jim’s house.  Trevor and Jim had wondered why drinking was such a big deal with some of the older kids at school.  It was exciting to sneak a few bottles of beer when no one was home.  Trevor disliked the taste, but he liked bragging to his friends at school about what they were doing.  It made him feel older.  The part he didn’t like was lying to his parents.

Regular Use

The next school year Trevor and Jim got together with friends almost every weekend.  When they got bored, somebody would get some beer.  Because Trevor knew his parents would disapprove of his drinking, he seldom had friends come to his house.  Besides, his brother, Andy was hanging around.

One time Trevor got so drunk at Jim’s house that he passed out in the yard.  When his parents found out, he lied and said it was the first time it had happened.  In truth, he had been drunk many times before. What really bothered him was that he had promised himself “only a few drinks tonight,” and then he had gotten drunk anyway.

More and more Trevor’s friends were the ones who drank and who used other drugs, too.  Sometimes when Trevor and his friends had fun, but often they ended up in fights.  One time the neighbors called the police.

Harmful Involvement

Trevor wasn’t sure why, but by the time he was 16, some important things in his life were slipping away.  He was flunking math and behind in history.  The coach, who always used to like him so much, always seemed to be mad at him.  Sometimes after practice, Trevor felt like he needed to drink.

And then things got worse – fast.  Trevor was picked up for drinking and driving.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.  But the results were still painful.  Not only did he have to pay a fine and court costs, he lost his license as well.  The next blow came when the coach kicked him off the team for breaking training rules.  Even his little brother acted strangely.  Once when Andy saw Trevor drinking in his room, he yelled angrily, “Stop breaking my mom’s heart.”

His friend Jim wasn’t fun to be around anymore.  He was always hassling Trevor about drinking too much. More and more Trevor preferred to be alone.  He no longer drank to be sociable.  Now he did it too avoid problems in his life.  His newest problem was that his savings from his job was gone, and he wasn’t sure how he had spent the money.

Dependent Involvement

Trevor tried to pretend that everything was okay, but without a drink, he felt nauseated and shaky.  Often he would have five or six drinks in an hour or two.  He had to drink more and more to get the same effect.  It seemed to be the only way he could feel “normal.”

Because he was always fidgety and restless, he avoided doing anything with his family.  No one seemed to know what was wrong.  When his parents questioned him, Trevor would storm out of the house.  When they grounded him, he would sneak out anyway.

At 17 Trevor quit school and moved out of the house.  He promised his family, “Don’t worry.  I can take care of myself.”  But, in truth, he couldn’t cope with school, family, or anything – especially when he needed to drink just to start the day.  He told himself that everything will be all right.  That is, if he could keep his job at the pizza place.

It was when he got fired from his job that he realized he was in trouble.

Source: Loins-Quest: Skills for Action.

Perhaps you can related to all or parts of Trevor’s story, or maybe your story is similar but involves other substances like marijuana, cocaine or crystal meth.  If you are worried about your involvement counsellors at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba may be able to help. For more information on our services for youth click here.

Asking yourself the following questions might also give you some clues about how alcohol or other drugs may be affecting you.

• Have you ever lied to friends or family to cover up your use?
• Have you lost or damaged an important relationship because of your drinking /drug use?
• Have you ever felt bad about things that you said or did when you were under the influence?
• Do you feel that people don’t trust you anymore?
• Have you stolen money, alcohol or other drugs from friends or family?
• Do you have trouble concentrating or notice that your memory is not as good as it used to be?
• Have you ever been or are you currently involved in illegal activities?
• Have your grades at school dropped?
• Have you dropped out of activities that you used to enjoy doing?
• Do you use alcohol or other drugs to feel better? Or even to feel normal?
• Have your friendships changed? Do most of the people you hang out with use alcohol or other drugs?
• Have you ever driven a car while impaired by alcohol or other drugs?
• Have you ever thought about cutting down or quitting?

f you have answered yes to any of these questions and are concerned about your use of alcohol or other drugs, counsellors at the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba may be able to help. For more information on our services for youth click here.

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At times we all find ourselves in a situation where we want to say no, but don’t know how.  When you find yourself in this situation:

• Be respectful
• Be assertive
• This means that you need to learn to say no, clearly and openly, while not disrespecting the rights and views of others.

Some Suggested Assertive Ways To Say No

• Say, "No, thanks." It could be just as easy as that!
• Say, “Not right now, I have to go to… (Work, home, back to class, etc).
• Give a reason. This reason could be simply, "I'm not allowed to do that," or could state the consequences, such as, "I don't want to do that; it will make me sick," or, "You could hurt yourself, or others." The important thing is to state you reason for saying no with confidence. Also it's important for you not to get into an argument, they may not agree with you, but you can still refuse what is being offered.
• Walk away or ignore the offer. This doesn't work in all situations. Sometimes you will be alone or in some other situation where you can't walk away.
• Change the subject or suggest doing something else. By saying, "Let's do ____ instead," you have the potential to not only refuse an offer of drugs, alcohol, or tobacco, but to prevent a friend from using them too.

• "Instead why don't we ___________"
• go skateboarding
• play hockey
• go to the mall
• go eat
• rent a movie
• play a video game

Be sure to sell your idea: "Come on it'll be fun!"

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First of all keep in mind that it is because of your love, care and concern that you would like to help them.  When we have been hurt and disappointed with a loved ones behaviour we can easily forget this.  When we with voices of our own anger and hurt, in an attacking way they may miss what you want to say.  Instead express your concern and worry, regarding specific behaviours. 
1.  How to Express Concern:

• Use “I Messages”:
  “I messages” focus on what you are seeing and how you feel about it. They can reduce defensiveness and keep the lines of communication open.

“I messages” look something like this: “I feel worried when you drink or use like that because I am afraid that you will overdose.” 

• Really Listen:
  Real communication goes two ways.  You can learn a lot from your friend or family member, if you take the time to really listen to what they say.  Also if you expect them to listen to you, you must be willing to hear their thoughts and feelings as well.
• Remain Calm and Caring:
  This is easy to say but hard to do especially when we are feeling upset.  Sometimes when anger or fear take over we may say or do things that we do not mean. Some of these things can damage the relationship that we have with the individual we are concerned about. 
• Encourage your friend or family member to go for counselling:
  Your friend/family member will likely respond better if you encourage them to go to a counsellor to “check out” their use/gambling and get some information rather than asking them to go and get help for their “addiction problem”. 

• Some other offers or suggestions you could make: 

• "I would be willing to go with you to a counsellor. We could even call together now to make an appointment." (Link to About AFM /Provincial offices )
• "Well, just know that I'm thinking of you. If you need anything, let me know, okay?"
• "I've heard that there's an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting close by in the neighbourhood. Maybe you could go check it out — and I could come if you want."

It is important that they go and get help, however it is most important that you take care of yourself and get the help and support you need.  If you can’t make changes, how can you expect others to?
2. Taking Care of Yourself

• Remember you can’t force or make people change:

This is something that is very difficult to accept.  It is extremely difficult to watch those closest to us make decisions that we do not approve of; however, we can only change our behaviour, and the way we respond to the situation.  The hope is that by changing the way we respond we can sometimes influence the situation.

• What we can change:
• Don’t enable (don’t cover up or lie for them)
• Your friend or family member may not be ready to stop their use completely, but may be willing to cut down on their use.  Ask them not to use alcohol, or other drugs around you.
• Don’t ride in a vehicle if they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs
• Try not to feel guilty or responsible for their behaviours
• Get Support for yourself, your friends and or your family:
  When someone is in trouble with alcohol, drugs or gambling it is common for all of those who care for them to be affected. You may notice that relationships are tense. It is important that individuals talk with each other about how they are feeling.

Find a caring person and talk to them, someone outside the problem who can really be a support for you.  This might be a teacher, counsellor, spiritual advisor, a doctor, etc.

• Some helpful organizations for people who are trying to help others are:

ADDICTIONS FOUNDATION OF MANITOBA
The AFM is an organization that spends time supporting youth who are experiencing the impact of someone else’s alcohol, drug or gambling involvement.  You could contact the AFM office closest to you.

ALATEEN
This is a self-help group for young people who have been affected by someone else’s use of alcohol or drugs.
24-hour Meeting Information Line (U.S. and Canada):
1.888-4AL-ANON (8 AM - 6 PM EST, M - F)
General Information and Literature Order Line:
757.563.1600 (8 AM - 6 PM EST, M - F)
http://www.al-anon.org/alateen.html

FAMILIES ANONYMOUS
This is a self-help group for concerned family members or relatives of someone who has a problem with alcohol or drugs.
http://www.familiesanonymous.org/

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Although each person's situation is different, all individuals who are affected by alcohol/drug problems may share many common experiences and feelings.

Often they feel that they are somehow responsible for the problem and that no one else understands their situation. These beliefs can leave them feeling guilty, embarrassed and alone and may sometimes stop them from reaching out to someone who can help.
You are not responsible for someone
else's choices or behavior.

Talking about things with someone who understands can help to make sense of what seems like an overwhelming situation. Our Youth Services recognize how alcohol/drug problems can affect relationships. They are available to listen and support you in taking care of yourself.

Ask yourself these questions - they may help you to determine if someone else's use is causing problems for you!

• Do you sometimes worry about what may happen when someone you care about is drinking or using drugs?
• Do you avoid situations where a friend or family member may be using alcohol
  or drugs?
• Do you try to control how much someone else uses? (For example, do you water down or hide liquor?)
• Do you sometimes feel hurt or angry because of the behavior of a friend or family member who is using?
• Have you given up activities you enjoy to look after a friend or family member who is using?
• Do you sometimes feel embarrassed by someone else's drinking or drug use?
• Do you worry that others might find out about a friend or family member's drinking or drug use?
• Have special occasions been ruined by someone else's drinking or drug use?
• Do you hide or lie about the drinking or drug use of someone you care about?
• Do you blame yourself when a friend or family member is drinking or using
  other drugs?
• For more information on our services for youth click here.

For more information on how to help a friend or family member click here.

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Gambling has become very common and acceptable in our communities.  In the past several years there has been an increase in the kinds of gambling available and access to it.  Most people are able to gamble responsibly but for some people, including teenagers, gambling can become a problem.
For more information on how gambling works  check out our website: 

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